Age 40 came with 70 pounds of weight loss in a matter of 6
months. I don’t recommend that. The obsession worked and a new creature was
birthed. A younger, much sexier, more confident person was revealed. I remember
shopping at the local mall, walking by the shops and seeing myself in the
window reflection, almost shocked with delight, “OMG, that’s actually me!” I
was stunned. Everyone was stunned. And that was fun.
So 52, 8 years of a wonderful marriage (finally), and 40 lbs
of loving and enjoying life beyond my wildest dreams packed on. I swore I’d
never let it happen to me again, the weight, that is. I battle to get back to
where I can manage it again. There’s
exercise but clearly not enough. There’s this complete foodie obsession he and
I both have. And it’s damn good. There’s this out of control food spending. It’s
all played a part. “Honey, we need to
exercise and here’s this plan/spreadsheet. All you have to do are these three
exercises every other day and some cardio on the off days,” he says. But he
doesn’t know me. He doesn’t remember that when we first started planning our
lives, I was up by 4:50am every morning running. Every. Single. Morning.
Running. But he didn’t have that lifestyle. He liked to just roll over.. and
over and over. It is the stuff love and life are made of but it was extremely
detrimental to my health and weight. Thus the 40+ lbs. The rolling over and
over, that is not just him. That was me, starving for affection. Starving for
someone on the same page of life and love as me. And I had found it and him. My
Mr. Wonderful.
As if the weight weren’t enough for these 8 years, I’ve
passed over the half century mark into the official middle age. And I have this
mirror. And the mirror tells way more than I want to accept. The weight. The
effect of ever-loving gravity on my sweet face, my neck. The crinkles around my
lips. The hoods over my eyes. If I had the money, there’s a fortune to be made
with all the nip/tuck, lift/suck I need! I am paralyzed by fear of what all
that messed up work does. I’ve yet to find someone that any of that facial work
looks good on.
It’s been a sad kind of acceptance… the weight, the gravity,
the puffy ankles, the inner and outer thighs love handles. So I seek the words
of the empowered middle age warriors who say they have embraced all these
wrinkles, weight gain, hot flashes, night sweats, snoring, and thinning hair. I
for one am doing my workouts, cutting my calories, running (as soon as weather
permits)… cause I know that’s what has worked for me. I hope it will again!
